Some Bits of ME

  My mother is a teacher. Everything she wanted from her children is that we learn a lot from school and even further extend the process of learning in the home. When we were still young, I and my sister were not allowed to go outside the house for playing games with other kids or stroll. Our house is only a stone throw away from the park and it was really a cruel torture when you see your classmates playing with your other classmates while you enviously stare at such scenery on the grills of your window.
  
  We can play outside only during weekends but only after we finish all our homework, studied the lesson of the next topic and promised to be back home before 5pm--anyway, we are FORCED to take a nap at 2pm and we should only be up by 4pm. That time, I hate that 2pm nap because I can't sleep and  that is is too hard pretending that you're sleeping—I just cover myself with a blanket so that I may not be obviously detected by the warden (my mother) that I am not actually sleeping.
  
  Our house is like a school too. Mother filled it with books, both boring books (those with pure texts and no pictures) and cool books (those with more pictures and less texts).That was when I was in grade two that I cried and cried because I cannot play outside with my friends. They were playing something really interesting and I feel this unexplainable urge to join them. Seeing them cook gumamela flowers and seeds to a can while others were as if buying that food they were cooking with guava leaves as money is  so much fun that no kid won't dare miss that part of their childhood.
   
My father recognizes the fact that mother had been too strict to us. He stressed out the need for children to also have fun, play games, do something exciting except studying.
   
My father is a happy go lucky type of person, an extrovert, and a very jolly person while my mother is most likely an introvert, very reserved, very proper. Though they were each others extreme opposites, they have a very healthy relationship filled with so much love—and I can clearly see that.
   
When my father felt this matter, he bought us toys, play station, board games, anything that is fun and can be played inside the house. My mother, on one hand, still expresses the requirement of having “house-loving” children because she doesn't want us to get used to staying outside the house. She bought father's idea of “bringing fun inside the house” so that we wont seek for it somewhere else anymore. In additional to the play station, mother also bought us activity books and complete set of Grolier's 100 Questions and Answers book—the first printed material that I loved so much. If you've seen this thing I'm talking about, you'll know why  =D .  We were trained to be home buddies and I hate that.
  
  Not until I got used to it.
   
When I was in grade three, I do not see myself playing games outside anymore neither do I love to go outside to play. Our house is filled with so many things that is much more interesting than anything that can be found outside. I already get used to reading books, play board games with my sister and enjoys coloring our activity books. I don't recognize that time that we were actually learning because what was on my mind was fun.
  
  For me, those things were fun. It's beyond cooking rose petals and leaves. It is also in the home that we are unconsciously  taught of the proper manners and conduct by the mere sight of our mother doing things around. My father isn't always around the house because he leaves by 6 am for work and arrives home by 7pm. But despite that, I don't feel that we are being suppressed from doing anything else because I actually love what we're doing and the way our mother makes us live our lives the way she wants it—I have no problem with that.
  
  Now that I think of it have I realized that during that period of my life that I've become an extreme introvert. I do well on academics but I have problems with extra curricular activities because I am really shy.  I often  think that I'd rather live alone and go school alone only with my sister. I frequently asked my mother that I'd be home schooled and never go out to school because I developed this awkward feeling towards my classmates. I have no close friends that I enjoy being in company. I just love my sister and my sister loves me. I thought that it's only my sister that I can play with and the only one I can talk to. I don't talk much in school. I only answer when asked. I am silent when I'm with other people but when I'm at home, I talk as much as I want and laugh as loud as my sister and my mother do.
   
I enjoy the home  that I could be president of “There's-No-Place-Like-Home” fans club.
   
I rather feel incarcerated and uneasy when I am outside the house.
   
Later, I find this a problem because I have difficulty in dealing with people to the point that I already have this wanting to isolate all these loud people in one contenet and leave me and my family alone.
   
The environment in the home and the way our parents raised contributed much to the build up of our personality. As what Carl Rogers suggested in his phenomenological theory, the environment or the situation affects an individual's personality and I believe in that. What's around you is making you. The type of environment you were raised, you have grown with and had got used to is basically YOU. There's no escaping in the fact that what goes around you molds your being, affects your choices and decisions as well as you personality itself.
   
Because I am an introvert, my high school days were not easy. Because in high school, you should participate in every extra curricular activities from being a majorette ( it's a curse being one) to being CAT official ( anything that requires you to unnecessarily burn your skin under the sun is never and could never be  a part of my dream)--especially that I'm vying for valedictorian. It was a culture shock for me.
    What's funny now is that my mother is already forcing me to go outside this time—to go and love anything and everything outside. She wanted me not to be shy anymore and be like those typical teenagers who goes to disco and outings. Way back in my elementary days, she says “don't be like that of those other children who stays outside to have fun”; and then, at the change of time, I can already hear her saying, “Can't you just be like those typical teens who socialize outside and have fun?”  Now she wanted me to have friends, to socialize and most importantly, she wants me not to just stay in the house while others are outside. Quiet a drastic shift of mode. I was like an old grandmother that is re-socialized upon entering the home for the aged.
  
  I was thankful of myself that I'm an obedient daughter =D.
  
  Okay, so you want me to go outside, I'll go outside.
   
That was in high school that I had friends, I learned to socialize, go out with them to outings and disco (even if my mom still forces me to go on a disco).
    Surprisingly, I've changed. My being an introvert is lessened though it's still there. Lessened because, by that time, I already talk to other people without uneasiness, I can be in a group of people and I already don't feel this wanting to isolate myself and my family in one island of the country. Yet I still love to stay in the home rather than going outside but unlike before, I don't hate going outside anymore.
    Not until I've entered college that my eyes were open into a much greater outside world. I  was exposed to a totally different environment where everybody looks really delectable.
    In college, everybody's a friend and you earn really close friends. They make you more comfortable to be yourself and talking to them is as much fun as playing house. It is also in college, that I finally felt that I was totally a prisoner during my childhood. Now I know the true meaning of the parable of the fly in the bottle of vinegar who thought that the vinegar is already the sweetest thing in the world until he got out of the bottle. But I don't blame my parents for wanting me to become a good person to society, I fully understand their intentions now that my mind has become more open to more issues and concerns.
  
  I've become participative, more participative to school activities and many other things. I have socialized a lot and my manner of communication to others have upgraded to much better level. Since my classmates are very much informed about current issues, I, too, required myself to be a part of this concern as well. I've become an eye watcher to almost anything that happens under the sun.
   
The “No Care”  girl before now changes to an activist (not like "activist" activist). Before, I don't know how to fight, defend myself even when I'm already stepped on by criticisms, and just remain silent unto everything. Now that I've been awakened in this new environment where people really voice out what they feel without shame and hesitation in respect to the spirit of freedom that I've also learn to speak out for myself in a much louder voice. I am not shy anymore.
     
    However, my traits from childhood were not dissolved totally, there still remains a part of me that I can trace down from what I've experience when I was younger. Yet most part of me is contributed to the environment I have now